when you’re looking at your phone and you notice out of your peripheral a man approaching you as if to talk, the key is that you must not flinch, you must not allow a single hair on your head to move. you must keep typing, keep scrolling. do not attempt to even glance sideways to get a better view of him. trust your gut. stay strong. become one with your phone. do not move your gaze, for they can smell uncertainty, and will speak unprovoked.

@pbandkate fun fact: as long as you don't look at him, he remains Bryce Youngquist

we're kind of the universes default character template for a white guy

@pbandkate every time you look up, you kill me, Bryce Youngquist. but I endure, as part of my sacred task to #respect #women.

it hurts a great deal every time.

@bryceyoungquist OH GOD I CANT DO IT i just looked at two men on the train and imagined you dying and got really sad im sorry im de-converting from bryce youngquistism

@pbandkate *extremely the dictates of the faith are not for everyone. this is understandable voice* Bryce Youngquist.

@SanfordianPhil @pbandkate well, you spontaneously come into being fully formed, with memories of walking up to them, in the moment of my agonizing death. it turns out the world functions a lot like the unreal engine. you require a lot more processing power to render than a Bryce Youngquist does, this is an easy way to reduce server load

@bryceyoungquist @pbandkate ah, ok so like we're both generated, I can get behind that part. So like until they look up just a low rez version of your avi is floating there?

@SanfordianPhil @pbandkate oh no, it's a fully functional Bryce Youngquist. hands, eyes, feet, stubble, opinions about financial deregulation, #respect for #women, whole shebang.

@bryceyoungquist @pbandkate I'm gonna sit here and think about the phrase "fully functional Bryce Youngquist" in silence for a while

@SanfordianPhil @bryceyoungquist @pbandkate I'm like actively trying to imagine a non-horny riff on this Bryce Younglore and drawing a complete blank

@byttyrs @bryceyoungquist @pbandkate there's a emperor palpatine riff in there somewhere but I can't get the wording right

@SanfordianPhil @byttyrs @pbandkate part of the reason i require little processing power is i have very few actual functions. most of them are just a couple dozen variations on bryceyoungquist.mp3

@bryceyoungquist @byttyrs @pbandkate feels like having one and a small audio mixer program would give more versatility for about the same space but who am I to argue with the designers

@SanfordianPhil @bryceyoungquist @pbandkate the Bryce Youngdata contains only an audio mixer with a couple dozen presets, bryceyoungquist.mp3 is a globally-accessible variable

@bryceyoungquist @wintgenstein @pbandkate oh gdi I thought this was some rando, stop changing your avi and name rico!

@wintgenstein @bryceyoungquist @pbandkate true, sorry but some name and picture you don't recognize starts talking about Rick and Morty you freeze like a deer in headlights ya know?

@bryceyoungquist @pbandkate okay so wait, is there a permanent token of Bryce Youngquist out there? like, is there a Bryce Youngquist who persists upon collapsing his wave function by observing him? or does Bryce Youngquist ONLY and EVERYWHERE exist where a man is currently unobserved

@jimpjorps @byttyrs @pbandkate i am not a person who ever actually laughs out loud at shit he sees on the internet. i have just laughed out loud at this.

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