the awesome thing about celebrities is that they're all better than me and deserve my brain fluids. any time they need a quick boost they should coconut my skull and glug me Gone. any celebrity. if you've been on television, drink my mind for Sport. pour out my soul, you Perfects

glad brexit's taking some of the heat off me for being this country's biggest disaster

the marvel movie writer's room but it's a fleshslug slapped together of thirty five fifteens of soaped up bods sagging and swelling in soupy skin goo squealing through splotches of screamholes "kill us God" while the Director wrings the skin to teats to milk its sweet SweatNectar

i love the filmreel where the person has a special kind of kick that solves all problems. memorizing each hero's humorously endearing brand of violence. i Love to watch my superfriends do their Idiosyncratic Punch Move. it's different from all other moviepunch. it's autobiopunchy

should i be worried? the pilot just said on the intercom, "Sailors, this is your Captain speaking."

the best part about flying a plane is when it transitions to being a submarine your role as the Captain transfers over seamlessly

i don't even like cider it's just that i'm on a powertrip about being able to straight up DRINK an apple, like imagine someone handing me an apple and i'm like nah maybe if you obliterate this in a bladetyphoon then i might slurp up the gore

the clamps rip your Stare wide as the eyeball masseuse clicks her needle fingers to acupuncture away your Stress, the infinite fountain. the more you are drained the more you see what i Mean. i crawl out of the faucet and slurp the puddles so i can get a taste of your Struggles

please note that it is company policy to let the BeetleSpear pierce your chest to spill your treasure into the BeetleSphere. this will happen every half hour. also remember, fridays are casual dress days

i'm not paying attention to you because no one's paying attention to me and now i'm attention broke

giving back to the community by suturing spare spines on everyone

going galaxy brain just to know that it's all in my head

as a realtor i ALWAYS close the deal, i see you thinking about walking away from a property and so i fistdig a foxhole into the basement to show you everybody who used to mean something to you jammed in a dark, sweltering boiler room but all their faces and bodies are mismatched

the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, because your neighbors are sharpening their blades

them: you need to make a decision, you can't be of two minds about this

me: Certainly, yes, i have long since ascended from two minds to twenty times twenty thousand minds, my Cortexes helix out of my webbing wisemaker to Cocoon all kinds of new Concepts in a Cacoconcept, Cogito

turning my unreliability into an aesthetic

thrilling, sweatgushing, ADDICTIVE, buy this book and rip down the moon to nightlight your incessant ReadRacing, you'll waste away as a tomethrall feverflipping the pages DAZED, if anyone interferes then fang their jugular and exult as the blood smears the words with New Meaning

this st patrick's day, remember that all your snake friends are watching

becoming the world's greatest Waiter by never serving my tables their meal. i whisper to them of the uncoming magnificence beyond the asymptotic limit of human Time. in the infinity prior to the impossible hugging those that Hunger for starsuccor as we wilt awaiting godot grub...

we are the world's greatest spa, impale yourself upon a luxury spike and sink into our soothing searing sweatspume as our highly trained team of skindiggers rip into you to mandiblemangle out the Sin from your Sinner's skin. you will never Resurface. you will drown in Purity, yes

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